By Leslie Collins
Northeast News
Feb. 2, 2011

Teen dating violence isn’t an isolated or rare issue.

According to the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence, 9 percent of high school girls and 12 percent of high school boys reported being “hit, slapped or physically hurt on purpose” by their boyfriend or girlfriend within the last 12 months.

Only 33 percent of teens in abusive relationships tell someone about it.

To reduce the number of abusive teen relationships, Kansas City’s Newhouse recently launched a website, www.newhouse4teens.org, to provide educational tools and information for teens, parents, schools and other organizations.

The new website also coincides with Newhouse’s 40th Anniversary and National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month in February.

Newhouse, a shelter for domestically abused women and their children, provides tools for women to make positive choices and lead self-sufficient lives.

“It’s really about prevention,” said Vice President of Clinical Services for Newhouse Bridgette Mavec. “I know that the women in the shelter here didn’t say to themselves when they were 16 years old, ‘Wow, I hope I meet a guy that will beat me up, ruin my credit and make me live in a shelter to hide from him.’

“When teens are starting to date, it’s important for them to recognize the signs and red flags, so they can establish patterns of healthy relationships early on…

“The goals of the website are to empower young people, to support safe and healthy relationships, increase understanding of the prevalence of dating violence and just to make people aware of the barriers to leaving a violent relationship.”

Although the website offers learning tools for both teen boys and girls, the main focus is on girls, Mavec said.

Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rate of domestic violence, she said.

“One in three high school or college (aged) women has experienced dating violence, so that’s really high,” she said.

Teen dating abuse differs from domestic violence, Mavec said.

Both involve power control, but with teens, different strategies are used.

“He (teen boyfriend) may prevent her from doing activities she’s done before, such as cheerleading because he doesn’t want her wearing short skirts and other guys looking at her legs or he doesn’t want her to be on the track team and ride on the bus with other boys,” Mavec said.

With the increased use of technology, such as texting, e-mail, Facebook and MySpace, it exacerbates the problem.

An abuser may demand passwords to e-mail or Facebook or will demand to read the girlfriend or boyfriend’s texts and e-mails.

“There’s so much more access to be able to stalk (because of technology),” she said. “Even if it’s not physical violence, you still have the emotional piece.”

A boyfriend may try to make his girlfriend “feel worthless,” control her every move, or threaten to tell everyone she’s a slut if she leaves him, Mavec said.

Asked what advice she would give a teen in an abusive relationship, Mavec said the teen needs to tell someone she trusts, seek advice and make a safety plan if she feels she’s in danger.

“If you’re not getting the answers or support that you need from friends or family, keep talking to people. Keep seeking out advice and keep yourself safe.”

Teens in immediate danger, should call 911, she said.

For counsel, teens may call the National Teen Dating Abuse hotline anonymously at 1-800-787-3224 or chat online with a peer advocate by visiting www.loveisrespect.org. Local teens may also talk to Mavec at Newhouse, (816) 462-0507, extension 229.

“I would really like to stress the point that we’re available to come out immediately and do presentations (about abuse).”

Newhouse will cater speaking engagements to specific groups, which in the past have ranged from Girl Scouts to adults who work with teens.

To schedule a presentation, contact Newhouse, (816) 462-0507.