Northeast News
May 4, 2016

All this bathroom brouhaha has this news-dog looking for some new fire hydrants to do our business on.

Target Department stores announced their new bathroom policy a few weeks back, and the whole public bathroom world has been turned upside down and inside out. Literally. The move has caused some Target store directors to carry the official company restroom policy in their back pocket, in case some aggressive media types descend on the store to start asking identifier questions of those doing their business.

Note to the brain-trust that created all this consternation over a bathroom: when ya gotta go, ya gotta go, and we’ve oft ignored the sign on the door if we had to go in a big way. The wife of this stodgy news-dog came up with, in our doggie estimation, a brilliant idea to solve the whole whiney-victim, pee room crisis. Ban Urinals. It’s that simple.

Everyone goes in a stall with some semblance of privacy; no impersonal urinals to contend with any more, no irritating splatter all over the khaki’s, no more awkward conversation about the ball game with someone you don’t even know and no more mess on the floor after someone doesn’t finish properly. We understand this may adversely affect the porcelain glazing industry, but we don’t see any other way around it. Most large retailers have a “family bathroom” anyway, which really makes all this fuss for naught. Just use the damn family bathroom. Because when ya gotta go, the sign on the door becomes irrelevant.